Goodbye, home.

We are moving tomorrow!    (I know, whhattt!)

We listed our home at the beginning of January and have been lucky how smoothly and quickly everything went.

We are off to my parent’s home for a few months and then to a new home in Provo! (More on this later)

As we sit here with our house all packed up and almost empty, I can’t believe how bittersweet it all feels.

I remember moving back home after my ex moved out.   Our separation was officially over and we were filing for divorce.  I walked in to an empty house.  And I laid on the floor where the table used to be and cried and cried.  I walked through the house and was filled with more and more sadness.    I remember thinking that this home was always going to be a reminder of a love that was lost, of promises long forgotten, of how broken my heart was.  I hated how empty it was.  I hated how full it used to be.   I hated sleeping there.  I hated waking up there.  I hated putting clothes away on both sides of the closet.  I hated the walls that we painted.  I hated the curtains that we hung.  I hated it all.  For a long time. I would spend as little time there as possible.  When I was out and about, it felt like I could forget.  But that house.  That house was always pointing out things that I no longer had.  But like with everything, time made it better and easier.  The more distance I had, the more the home became my home.  The decorations and furniture I filled it with were mine.  All I needed were new memories. 

And then..

I went on my very first date with Colton.  And that living room where I once fell apart, that was where we had our first kiss.  (Jk Piper about us kissing on our first date.  Not JK to everyone else.)  And then we spent the next few months dating and being engaged and then all of a sudden,  my place became our place.  And probably understandably, it was a little weird.  But we didn’t have another choice and we worked really hard to make it our own.  The place might have had lots of baggage on my end, but for Colton it was new and he was very unaffected by it.  He’s quite wonderful that way.  I love our newlywed memories in the house. 

And then..

I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom.  And finding out we were pregnant will forever be one of the best moments of my life. Then my belly grew and grew and baby grew and grew.  And we took my weekly pregnancy pictures in front of the pantry.  And we painted polka dots on the nursery wall.  And we filled her closet with the my favorite clothes.  And we set up a crib.  And we spent countless hours discussing names, and babies, and what life would be like, and all the things that would change.  We grew so much individually and together as a couple during the pregnancy.  And most of that growth took place right in the home.

And then..

We brought Miss Piper home to this house.  And we experienced those first few days and then weeks and then months together.  We watched her grow and change in this house.   She lived her first year here.  She tripled in size here.  This was her first home.   I will cry if I continue on with Piper.

And now..

As I say goodbye to this place, I realize how it is full even without any of our things in it. Tomorrow, I’ll probably sit on the floor where the table used to be and play with my little monkey and smile at my dear husband.  I’ll probably even shed a few tears as we say goodbye for the last time.  I’ll think how truly blessed I am.  And how far this house and I have come.  

4 day old Piper in the room I will miss the very most.